Keepin’ It Real Rewinds – An End to the Sabbatical?

I know a lot of you have enjoyed my Keepin’ It Real Rewinds Series that I started to chronicle our experience with infertility, and an extreme high-risk pregnancy. It’s been a true privilege to connect to you through them, and to hear your own stories and struggles. It’s also been a true joy to celebrate with you on several occasions and rejoice over the blessing of a new miracle life.

However…

I’ve often put writing them aside, because they are just plain TOUGH to write.

Each paragraph brings back so many emotions from those days.  Days of grief.  Days of heartache. Days of uncertainties, held breaths, questions, difficult decisions, and bad news.

Part of me wants to put it all behind me.

To Let Go.

To Semi-Forget.

To Live Life Completely in the Present.

After all, we’ve been blessed more than we could have asked or imagined.  We are living a miracle. (4 of them, in fact!) We got the best possible scenario.

However…

I don’t want to forget the miracle. 

I don’t want to forget the obstacles that we’ve all overcome.

I don’t want to miss an opportunity to encourage one of you.

I don’t want to keep from giving God the glory and praise for preserving their lives.

 

So I’m contemplating returning to the series this summer…

(You can read the unfinished series if you’d like, while you wait on me to decide.)

Today in Verbs

Today I walked through the doors of a hospital that became my address for 36 days, nearly 3 years ago…

Today I scrubbed my hands with the same soap smell that I associate my newborn preemies with…

Today I travelled down the same hallway to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit that became my 4 sons’ address for the first 3-5 weeks of their lives.

Today I embraced a fellow quad mom and felt an instant connection and friendship…

Today I looked at Maddox, Jack, Emma, and Parker with wonder and awe at their tiny, yet perfect little bodies…

Today I witnessed many families who face a very difficult road ahead…

Today I visited with nurses and sonographers who cared for me through 32 weeks of a high-risk pregnancy…

Today I hugged the man who safely delivered 4 miracles one February Day…

Today as I remember the uncertain days of the NICU, I am once again overwhelmed with gratefulness this season for 4 gifts that cannot be purchased, packaged, or wrapped. 

Brad changing his first diaper ever…wonder how many he’s changed since?!!!!  - February 2007

Multiple Pregnancy: Expecting the Unexpected

"Behind every baby is an unbelievable story."  Discovery Health is revealing the stories behind some unbelievable pregnancies and births during Baby Week, premiering Sunday-Friday, June 14-19 at 8P e/p on Discovery Health. Programs included in the week's lineup: Twins By Surprise; Little Parents, Big Pregnancy; Births Beyond Belief; Obese & Pregnant, and others that are sure to peak your interest. You'll find a video preview of the episodes here.

Our own story of four brothers born on the same day, is nothing short of astounding, so Discovery Health along with BlogHer decided to highlight our blog on the Baby Week website. Many of you faithful "Quad Addicts" have been following our story for some time, and many of you are hooked on my Keepin' It Real Rewind Series, in which I'm slowly documenting our infertility and pregnancy journey. However, there's an "inside" story that I've yet to share with you, that I've decided to disclose for this post. 

After our battle with infertility, we knew our chances for twins were elevated due to hormone treatments for my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and a family history of twins, but we had no way to prepare for the shock of quadruplets.  In fact, we could hardly wrap our minds around the idea of "triplets" when we learned in the 8th week of pregnancy, that our 3 were in fact FOUR!  Each doctor's appointment seemed to up the ante, so much that I feared each appointment would be reveal yet another heartbeat and yet another multiple pregnancy term ending in "-let" (quintuplet, sextuplet, etc).  

I was terrified, purely terrified by the thought of quintuplets!  You might think after four, what's one or two more, but in my mind it was drastically different. I had 2 arms; Brad had 2 arms.  That was one arm for each baby.  We could somehow "handle" that.  Four car seats would fit in our minivan, four cribs could cram into one nursery, four boy colors (blue, green, yellow, and red) could be used to color code their feeding charts; but throwing another baby in the mix would breakdown my entire game plan.

Each doctor's appointment that passed without any more surprises, calmed my heart into believing that there truly were only four.  It wasn't until I was hospitalized at 28 weeks into the pregnancy, that the numbers fear became once again unnerving. Similar to the deliveries featured on Twins by Surprise, our hospital had a surprise multiple birth of its own, several years prior to our delivery. However, many of the nurses who were present at that particular delivery, in which an expected quintuplet birth became a sextuplet birth, were assigned to my care.  Repeatedly I heard about this mother's caesarian delivery, and the shock of the doctors finding another sac, just as they were starting to sew up her incision. Usually the story would end with a, "Can you imagine?" "What if you really have 5 instead of 4?" "Wouldn't that be something?"

My daily ultrasounds were less than reassuring, as body parts were crammed and tangled inside my stretched to the max belly. It was nearly impossible for our ultrasound tech to distinguish who was who, and even though I trusted her with my life, I couldn't help but question if somehow one could be hiding somewhere.

After 32 LONG weeks my body was rejecting the pregnancy.  High protein levels, hyper-reflex problems, and severe swelling signaled a dangerous condition known as preeclampsia had taken over. The highly anticipated birth day had finally arrived! As they prepped me for surgery, I felt a peace and calmness that I know HAD to be from God. Although I knew there was MUCH uncertainty in the hours and days ahead, I was eager to leave the extreme high risk pregnancy days behind, and meet these little ones who's lives I had been fighting for so long.

Immediately following the intense pulling, ripping, and yanking of my body, I heard the words, "The first one is out!" With each little life taken out of me, I could breath easier than I had for months.  Minutes later, (which flew like seconds) four tiny, yet perfect little bodies entered the world.   It was over...or was it?  I had just taken a huge breath of relief when my doctor in his dry wit yells, "Here's another one!" "Here's another one!" My heart stopped right there on the operating table. I'm sure alarms must have sounded to alert the anasethiologist that he had indeed lost me, but it couldn't be heard over the roar of laughter that filled the room. I was officially the mother of quadruplets!

The final "quint scare" took place in the resuscitation room, where the boys were cared for immediately following delivery. In the emotion and excitement of the moment, Brad lost count  and thought there were five babies.  Here's the video proof:

I am sure God would have shown Himself faithful if He would have given us another blessing in the bunch, but we were overwhelmingly satisfied with just four. Our hands are full with multiple miracles!

Keepin' It Real Rewinds 12

First Trimester:

Although it's a bit of a blur now, the uncertain days of the first trimester seemed to last a lifetime.  Every week, we returned to my RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) to complete blood work and count heartbeats while we held our breaths. Although we knew that one or more of the embryos disappearing or absorbing would be a more favorable outlook for the rest of the babies; We breathed a sigh of relief each time the fourth heartbeat was accounted for, knowing that God had chosen to sustain life yet another week.

Ultimately I chose to trust God's sovereignty in each of those growing little bodies, but I struggled every single day with our circumstances.  I attempted to prepare myself for the worst case scenario, yet I wanted to believe that God could save all of them. He was the God of miracles, right?  He would work all things according to His purpose. He promised to do so, but I wrestled with trusting Him completely.

Because of the increased risk due to the mono-mono complication and the fragility of a high order multiple pregnancy, we kept a very short-list of people who knew about our quadruplet pregnancy during the first trimester.  It was SUCH an involved, complex, emotionally-loaded, time consuming, conversation.  (In fact, I'm STILL explaining Monoamniotic Monochorionic Twins, over two years later!) The idea of triplets was daunting enough without throwing in another number and complication that we ourselves didn't understand completely. Looking back, would I let more people be "in the know"?  Perhaps. I think it was our coping strategy to deal with the exponential unknowns.

Physically, I was handling the demands of a multiple pregnancy incredibly well.  Although I dealt with serious fatigue and fell asleep to the music of Final Jeopardy most evenings, I was able to keep meals snacks down with ease.I even went the whole trimester without purchasing a single maternity clothing item. (Thanks to the rubber band trick I learned from Natalie!) Working my speech therapy job at the school was tiring, but I enjoyed the distraction of the kids, and the support of my colleagues. 

Towards the end of the first trimester, I was referred to our perinatologist, Dr. Sumners, who would take over my care exclusively.  If I remember correctly our initial appointment went well over 3 hours. (Our doctor was in an emergency c-section for a woman having her 14th baby. Apparently there's no stopping the fourteenth!) However, our prolonged wait was no accident. A photographer was in the office doing a shoot for an upcoming brochure, featuring 10 month old QUADRUPLETS on the cover!  While we waited, we were able to observe them interacting, and interrogate ask their mom a million questions about her own experience. We could hardly believe our eyes!  We barely knew quadruplets existed before now, and here they were right before our very eyes smiling, climbing, giggling, ALIVE and HEALTHY!  So incredibly healthy! 

Meeting Denise and her babies became our "living proof" that with God all things are possible and filled us with a new hope...

 

Keepin' It Real Rewinds 11

****If you happen to be new to our blogging family, you might need to catch up on the KIRR posts numbers 1-10 HERE.****

I've avoided writing this post for weeks now, because this point of our journey is still painful to look back on.  However, I'm once again overwhelmed with an undeserving gratefulness to God for allowing our babies to survive and thrive in an "impossible" pregnancy. We owe Him all the glory!

Brad and I drove home separately from the doctor's office after discovering the fourth heartbeat, beating inside my petite 5'2 on a "tall day" body.  I remember driving home in silent, numb, emotionless, disbelief of our new "reality". The sheer number took a far second to the complication of the mono-mono twinning complication.  I just couldn't understand why God would grant my request to be pregnant with what seemed to be a death sentence for not one, but four healthy beating heartbeats, that were doubling their size daily.  Babies full of life with knee joints, and brainwaves, and eyelids...

I questioned if I was responsible for this tragedy.

I questioned how our marriage would sustain this trial...

How could I physically withstand this pregnancy?

Would my faith be compromised?

How would I explain this to our family and friends?

An overpowering nausea came over me that wasn't simply morning sickness.

When Brad and I were reunited at home, we decided to call a trusted friend in the medical field to come talk with us.  He immediately headed our way with his wife, and stayed with us late into the night; Listening, grieving with us, and offering us his guidance.

It was a very dark time in our lives.  The most difficult days we've ever faced.  Much darker than infertility, and even more dim than the uncertain days of the NICU. 

Our "best case scenario" (from the medical stand point) was for one or more of the babies to absorb or disappear, which was a real possibility in the first trimester.  We prayed for life.  We prayed for God to sustain ALL of their lives, but if He chose to take one or more of them, that He would do so for the sake of the other's survival.  That, my friends, is a difficult prayer to pray.  It was a prayer for life, but it was also a prayer for death. It's a prayer that brings me to tears as I type this very moment.   

Here's the blog entry written a few days following our appointment:

Pray for our babies....

(8/18/06):
Brad and I would covet your fervent prayers during the next few weeks. We found out on Tuesday that our babies are in an even higher risk category than originally thought. We appreciate your support and love. We trust God's sovereignty over this situation.

His grace was sufficient, even in our darkest hour...

FAQ: Part 1

You asked for it....

Here's Part 1 of the FAQs. I'm answering questions 1-5 in this post and will answer 6-10 soon to follow! I worked hard on these, quad addicts, so ENJOY and leave me a comment if you'd like to say hello.  I LOVE hearing from you!

1. What kind of camera do you use for your photography and videos?  What editing software do you like best?

My best pal, Brad, gave me a Nikon D40 DSLR for our 5th anniversary. Besides my wedding ring, it's the most cherished gift he's given me. I use a 18-55mm lens.

Most videos seen on our blog are shot with my point and shoot Casio Exilim.  It has a great video function and quality. 

I've used Picasa for all of my photo editing.  It's Free and I happen to love Free. However, I recently became the proud owner of Adobe Photoshop Elements 7, thanks to a great Costco coupon, so I'm anxious to try it on for size. 

Photography is most definitely a love of mine, and I feel privileged to share it with each of you!

2. How do you financially afford quadruplets? 

Although quadruplets may seem like an overwhelming financial burden, in reality it's quite similar to having a 4 "single" children.  For instance, even when you have children one at a time, you have the responsibility to feed, diaper, and clothe each child individually.  I like to visualize it as traditional families being on the layaway payment plan, while we're paying the cost up front. 

However, that is not to take away from how God has provided for our every need.  Initially we had no idea how we would ever be able to financially stay afloat.  No matter how many budget cuts we made, there was no way we alone could provide for the needs of an instant family of six. The first year was an awesome display of God's faithfulness and provision for our family.  From nearly a year's supply of diapers from friends and family, to clothes donated by strangers, to a check in the mailbox, to lower interest rates on our mortgage, to meeting maximum out-of-pocket deductibles....Our faith was strengthened through trusting in our Sovereign God.  

Today, we continue to  trust God with our finances.  We creatively look for ways to cut costs and make our budget.  Saving money has become a "hobby" of ours and we look forward to one day being completely debt free, if the Lord allows.

3. Do you plan on having more children? 

Inquiring minds want to know...

Although we haven't ruled it out forever.  We certainly are not "planning" on another little Murray for now. We feel incredibly blessed and content to be the parents of Henry, Isaac, Brooks, and Clark.

4. Details. Details. Details.  I hope this answers most of your questions on the pregnancy and the birth:

Pregancy Details:

Found out we were expecting "triplets" at 6 weeks gestation

Told we were expecting quads at 8 weeks

Transabdominal Cerclauge Surgery at 13 weeks

Manditory Bedrest at 22 weeks

Prescribed Procardia for pre-term contractions at 22 weeks

Voluntary Hospitalization for Monitoring of Mono-Mono Twins at 28 weeks

Delivery via Caesarian Section at 32 weeks (Average quadruplet pregnancy 28 weeks)

Delivered due to toxic levels of Preeclampsia/HELLP Syndrome

Placed on Magnesium Sulfate to prevent seizures, prevent kidney/liver failure, and to lower blood pressure

Received several units of blood via transfusion due to blood loss

Total Hospitalization: 35 LONG Days

Pumped for first 3 months of the babies lives

Baby A (1st Born)

Henry Samuel Murray

Born at 12:33pm

Birth Weight: 2lbs 12 oz.

Time in the NICU: 4 weeks

Complications: Very Few.  Considered a "Feeder and Grower", No Oxygen Needs

Baby B (2nd Born)

Brooks Layton Murray (Identical Mono-Mono Twin)

Born at 12:34pm

Birth Weight: 3lbs. 0 oz.

Time in NICU: 3 weeks

Complications: Very Few. C-PAP for 24 hours. Feeder and Grower. Came home at 3 lbs. 12 oz.

Baby C (3rd Born)

Clark Thomas Murray (Identical Mono-Mono Twin)

Born at 12:34pm

Birth Weight 3lbs. 7 oz.

Time in NICU: 5 weeks

Complications: Respiratory Distress Syndrome, Ventilation, PDA (closed with 2nd dose of Indocin),High Blood Pressure, 2 NEC scares, Clean Bill of Health at Discharge

Baby D (4th and Final)

Isaac Edward Murray

Birth Weight: 4 lbs.

Time in NICU: 3 weeks

Complications: Ventilation for 4 Days, PDA (closed with 1st dose of Indocin), C-PAP for 1 Day, Feeder and Grower

5. How did you come up with each of their names?

This is a question we are frequently asked as many can't imagine coming up with 8 NAMES, when they struggled to come up with even ONE!

Brad and I sat down one night, I believe around 18 weeks. and wrote down our short list of names we liked and then did some "research" to find other names to consider. Believe it or not we came up with 9 names in about 40 minutes! (We had Henry's middle name narrowed down to 2.) In reality, I think it was somewhat easier to come up with 4 baby's names than just one....we didn't have to completely agree on the "ultimate name" and were more willing to compromise. Plus, I was a speech therapist in the schools so I had a pretty extensive list of what our boys wouldn't be named. =)

We had 4 names picked out, but we didn't assign them to a certain baby in my belly because they moved around too much to keep track of....We didn't want them to come out with an identity crisis on top of being quadruplets! However, we somewhat had a sense of who would be named who. After the boys were born, (pretty fuzzy on these details due to "The Mag" and blood loss) Brad brought me pictures of the boys and we named them based on the pictures.

Brad and I had a few "Naming Rules". These were simply personal preferences. I am not in any way slamming your kids names if they fit into any of these criteria....=)

1. They couldn't rhyme or be "sing-song cute".
2. They needed to be non-trendy; Traditional, yet distinct.
3. They needed to be names that were complete in itself - not needing to be shortened to a nickname (This rule was obviously meant to be broken...keep reading!)
4. They (at least some of them) needed to have a family link.
5. They couldn't rhyme with "Murray"....That eliminated furry, hurry, and Suri!

Henry - A name we both agreed on and since Henry was only 2 lbs. 12 oz. "Isaac" just didn't fit him!
Meaning: Trusted

Samuel - We really liked the Biblical heritage of Samuel as well as the meaning of the name (Check out I Samuel Chapter 1)
Meaning: God heard

Brooks - A name that we threw out there and then ended up falling in love with
Meaning: Refreshed

Layton - A family name on my mom's side, but mostly chosen because we just liked it
Meaning: From the Meadow Land =)

Clark - One of our first names that made the list. We came up with Clark in the early days of marriage. It has several significant ties as well. It's Brad's Grandma's Maiden Name, and the last name of a couple who really had a positive impact on Brad's life who have passed away.
Meaning: Enlightened Spirit

Thomas- Brad's Dad's Name
Meaning: Divinely Preserved

Isaac - I used to say, "If God gives me a boy someday, I hope his name is Isaac." (I had no idea that He would give me FOUR!)
Meaning: Child of Promise, Laughter

Edward - My Dad's Name
Meaning: Guardian of Happiness

Now I couldn't imagine them any other name than Henry Samuel, Brooks Layton, Clark Thomas, or Isaac Edward!

Keepin' It Real Rewinds 09

(For those of you who have just found us, KIRR (Keepin' It Real Rewinds) is a series of posts that I've been flashing back to my days of infertility and an extreme high-risk quadruplet pregnancy.  You can find the whole series of posts by clicking here or by clicking on the tab located on the link menu.)

Moments after finding out there were not one but "three" babies camping out in my belly, Brad and I joined our doctor and several residents in a conference room to discuss the next steps.  I'm sure it was purely just the shock of the moment, but as he was outlining the upcoming risks and precautions of a high-risk pregnancy, I found myself cracking jokes and taking it all in stride.  I remember him telling me that I would probably find myself on strict bed rest in the next few months, and I joked about how there better be some great rentals out to watch. Meanwhile, Brad was questioning whether my small framed 5'2 (on a good day) body would be able to handle a triplet pregnancy.

I can't remember much about our car ride home.  Nervous chatter, had been replaced by speechless silence, while we both were thinking about the breaking the news to our family and friends. We knew immediately that we needed their prayers to surround us in this journey, so we began the phone calls which lasted well into the night. It was a great distraction to hear other people's reactions on the other line.  My parents refused to  believe me. No matter how many different ways I tried to explain we were expecting triplets, they thought I was pulling their leg.  Around the 12th try or so, Brad took the phone from me and said, "Ed (my dad's name), we are SERIOUS!"  Brad's dad was thrilled and thought triplets would put sliced bread to shame.

As we went through the list of close family, the heaviness of our situation started to hit harder.  It was exhausting and overwhelming to continue to explain the scenario, so I left Brad with the rest of the calls, and curled up on the couch that would become my cocoon for weeks to come.

A few days later, we created this blog to update family and friends (greatly reducing our phone list) with prayer requests and as a way to document our journey. Nervousness, fearfulness, and anxieties were transforming into reserved excitement...

Keepin' It Real Rewinds 08

If you are new to 4tunate, you might be new to KIRR (Keepin' It Real Rewinds). I'm in the process of getting our story down on "paper", detailing our journey of infertility that led to an extreme high risk quadruplet pregnancy.  You can catch up on the Rewind Series HERE.

After finding out that we were positively pregnant, the two weeks that followed were pure bliss.  Although I knew my risk for miscarriage was elevated (due to my PCOS), it was a victory to know that my body was capable of becoming pregnant.  Regardless of whether we carried to a full term, I knew that God had granted our desire to become parents. We decided to keep the news between immediate family until our first ultrasound, and it was a joy to have such an intimate secret to share with loved ones. 

During our two week wait we had several conversations involving the "what if" questions. What IF there's more than one?  I purposefully tried to dismiss the idea of twins.  I desperately wanted children, so if that was God's way of accomplishing that desire, then I knew He would give me the grace, but honestly, I thought twins would be overwhelming.  I wanted to be able to give individual attention to one baby, instead of being an attention drawing family.  Hilarious, right?  Brad in his naivety, envisioned all the positives of having twins and became partial to the idea.  Fourteen days couldn't come quick enough...

The night before our first ultrasound, Brad and I went out of town for his cousins wedding. We celebrated the night together and with giddiness talked about our little "baby".

Singular.

However, the next day brought more than 1 surprise. Anxiously we gazed at the black and white screen as our nurse, Lisa scanned for a viable embryo. She was strangely and uncomfortably quiet as we waited for her to interpret what she was observing.  I vividly remember seeing what I thought was 2 sacks followed by silence that lingered for minutes. As I lay motionless on the table, Brad spoke up with, "What are you thinking, Lisa?" I'll never forget her quiet reply.

"I'm still counting."

Panic swept over me.  Was this some kind of bad dream?  Was I going to be the breaking news story of the evening?  "Woman becomes pregnant with 17 babies". I thought of the McCaughey septuplets. I thought about our normal little life as we knew it. 

Lisa left the room to get my doctor.  I knew this wasn't good news....

They were looking carefully at one of the sacks that appeared bigger and different than the others.  After examining it momentarily, they concluded that it was "just one".  I still didn't know the total count. 

"How many then?" 

"Three." "Triplets."

Although I was completely shocked (especially after having a conservative cycle with "2" viable eggs), I couldn't help but feel relief over the number 3.  Sure, this would be a higher risk pregnancy.  No, this wasn't what I had in mind. But three isn't that freakish of a number.

And I most certainly wouldn't make the six o'clock news...

1st Ultrasound August 7, 2006

"Triplets"

 

 

Keepin' It Real Rewinds 07

Question from readers: "Will you keep writing more REWINDS?" 

Answer: Since you're still reading, I'll keep writing.  After all, there's much more to be told.  I wouldn't leave you hanging forever without closure, now would I?

Before I begin I must get this off my chest... 

I have been completely humbled and blessed by "meeting" many of you who are walking this bumpy, beaten path of infertility.  I am grateful that you have found us and that I have been able to share a piece of my heart with you.  As my Rewinds take a turn from "empty womb" to "maxed out womb", please know that I'm not leaving you behind.  I've kept your emails and comments and I continue to pray for God's grace in your lives. I long for you each to seek God's mercy, guidance, peace, and sovereignty, as you face these uncertain times. Throughout your grief, pain, and hopefully future celebrations, I hope you consider me a friend in your journey. 

Okay on to the "maxed out womb" part...

After the dream-like phone call with our nurse, we were giddy to tell our parents our long awaited news.  We wanted to keep it a bit of a secret between close family until our first ultrasound, since I was at higher risk for miscarriage due to my PCOS. We met my parents halfway for lunch to share the news, and then with Brad's parents the next day. 

We wanted a creative way to tell our parents. We surprised my parents by throwing in a picture of the BFP (Big Fat Positive) test that I had taken hours earlier in with other recent pictures we had taken. Here's a picture outside of good ole Pizza Hut shortly after breaking the news to my parents:

For Brad's parents we took pictures of me "pseudo-pregnant".  (Can you guess the item used to make my fake belly?) Not exactly realistic, but they got the message!

It was sooooo amazing to see our parents faces light up in excitement for us.  A moment not to be forgotten.

Here's what I really looked like on July 21, 2006, wearing clothes that I thought I would be able to wear the entire pregnancy (insert chuckles).  This was my official 4 week belly shot.

Not to leave the father out, here's a picture of my man posing with a book from a section of Barnes and Noble that we could finally check out: "Parenting and Family":

But this, my friends, was only the beginning....

Keepin' It Real Rewinds 06

Shortly after letting out my "Bahama Mama Braids", Brad and I made the decision to try one more round of the low-dose hormone treatments before going the adoption route. I'm not sure what to attribute it to (trusting God more, less nerves, prayer, timing, the idea of adoption) but the load seemed lighter this time.  Something about it seemed right. There was a silent confidence inside of me, yet I still remained overly reserved. Medically everything looked perfect, but our "chances" of getting pregnant (with one baby) were only estimated at about 30%.

July 21, 2006

I woke up before 5 am and no matter how hard I tried my eyelids would not close.  My blood draw was at 9am. Four LONG hours away.  I held out on taking a home pregnancy test, because I wanted the official medical results.  I also wanted to spare my heart from a false-positive, but now I couldn't stand not knowing.  I woke Brad up and minutes later we were squinting at the instructions with sleepy eyes. I didn't have to wait 3 minutes for the results, the plus sign appeared immediately. 

Did I need 2 plus signs for a positive or just one?  Two Slash Marks?  Did I do it right? Should I go out and buy another one? Hurry, figure it out before it disappears!

It was all so hard to process in the wee hours of the morning. Why didn't I just get the one with the little indicator screen that spells it out plainly, "Pregnant/Not Pregnant"?

It was a "time stood still moment", with a celebration to follow. It wasn't an all out celebration, because we still wanted the medical confirmation, but one that included hugging, crying, taking pictures in our pjs, and then yep, you better believe it, crawling back in bed.  (I repeat, I am NOT a morning person!)

After my blood draw, we meandered around Target and Barnes and Noble waiting for the much anticipated call from our nurse, Lisa. We contemplated creative ways to break the news to our parents to pass the time.  

A few hours later our phone conversation went something like this:

Nurse: We got the HSG counts back to confirm that you are pregnant!

(Insert screams, laughter, and a few million "Are you serious?" questions)

Nurse: Your counts are pretty high, though.

Me: What's that mean? Am I really pregnant?

Nurse: Yeah, you're really pregnant. It might be an indication of twins. It's too early to know for certain, but it's a possibility.  You'll have your first ultrasound in 2 weeks and that will tell us more.

(Insert momentary silence)

Me: Twins?  But like no more than twins, right? (So nieve.)

Nurse: No, probably not. It could be just one, it's just too early to know for certain. We'll see you in 2 weeks!  Congratulations! 

I was gonna be a mama after all....

 

PS I posted twice today, so scroll down if you haven't read my earlier entry.

 

Click HERE to Rewind Further...

"Tiny Successes " Grand Picnic

One of the most anticipated events of the summer has been the St. Vincent Women's Hospital Annual NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) Picnic.   It's a great occasion to see people who cared for our little guys through the preemie days, and to meet up with people whom we've met through this journey. St. Vincent's goes ALL OUT for this picnic - food, games, bounce houses, petting zoo, pony rides, and my personal favorite on a humid August day- snow cones!

This was our second year attending the picnic, and again I was reminded how incredibly blessed we are to be NICU Survivors.  There really isn't a better compliment than hearing over and over from our NICU nurses and doctors how healthy and great our boys look, and to watch their faces light up when they see them! They each held a significant role in the miracle of their tiny lives, and we will continue own them our sincere gratitude! 

 

Nataline (one of our primary nurses) chats with Brooks

The Annual Schleper/Murray Family Portrait

Dr. Sumners (my HERO, who happens to also be my perinatologist from the pregnancy) holding Henry (left) and Isaac (right). Brad holding Brooks (hiding) and Jen holding Clark. This guy is more famous than Santa Claus!

Out of the wagon to check out the miniature horses.

 

Clark yelling "Heeeeee" as soon as he saw the horses.  Yep, that's my son.  I felt like he won the National Spelling Bee, I was so proud!

 

As I linger from hitting the "Publish" button and re-read this post, I feel like I'm coming up short in expressing my gratitude and the pure emotion that fills me when I think about our love for our family at St. Vincent's.  We are convinced that God used these people in mighty ways to bring our boys safely home.  Thank you, St Vincent's for your part in turning our "tiny successes" into tough little men!

 

(You can check out Last Year's NICU Picnic Post HERE.)

Keepin' It Real Rewinds 02

Note: I'm sharing a part of our story in this post that has only been shared with a small handful of individuals. It's a part of our story that is extremely personal for me, but I feel burdened to share it with you, in the hope that I can be a support to someone else who is faced with this similar struggle. Please feel welcome to share our blog with a friend or family member who might benefit from reading our personal account. Thank you in advance for allowing me to share this part of our journey with you and for your utmost respect and sensitivity on such a heavy matter.

It was summer 2005, when Brad and I had the "I Think We're Seriously Ready For Kids" talk in Savannah, GA over a fresh grouper sandwich. We were soaking up marriage and enjoying our time as a couple, yet anxious to hold the title of "parents".

Lady and Sons Restaurant (Paula Dean's)Savannah 2005

Looking back now, it might have been a little bit hurried (we'd been married 2 1/2 years), but I really did have that gut feeling that we weren't in for a "suddenly pregnant" scenario, so I felt pressured to get our journey started. I wanted to be a young, energetic, cupcake-making mommy - and I felt time a'tickin'.

I think my girl doc was waiting on my call by the end of the year. Although I wanted to trust God's timing, medically the probability of us getting pregnant on our own was extremely slim. Adoption was an option we carefully considered, but weren't ready to entirely give up on having a "little Brad" or "little Jen". We felt like this was simply a bump in the road - a common one that so many around us had faced.

We could handle a little bump.

I started researching infertility. Pee on a stick. I joined an online support group, as a "lurker". Pee on a stick. I would go to the library and discreetly check out books. Pee on a stick. I took my temperature at 7 am, without fail, every morning and carefully charted it on a graph. (If you've ever done this, you'll know what a waste of my time and my precious weekend sleep it was, as it was a completely flat line, no dips, no spikes. FLAT as a pancake!) Pee on a stick.

It was my way of coping with the uncontrollable. It was our private secret and we thought it always would be....

(You can read more Rewinds HERE.)

Keepin' It Real Rewinds 01

First off, thanks for the little catchy title suggestions, I decided to combine a few into "Keepin' It Real Rewinds".  Now to the "Real" Story behind this post.... 

I struggled to find a starting point for this reality post, but as I thought about sharing my heart, I realized that WAS the beginning.  My HEART.

A deep desire was there, in my heart, to have children from as long as I can remember.  I was the little girl at the grocery store carrying my life-size newborn look-alike dolly (Rebecca) with my diaper bag, bottle, and bonnet all in tote.   I loved acting out the role of mama and that innate desire to one day be a mama never left me...

It was something that came up on one of my first walks with Brad.  Even though we were just teenagers, it was on our hearts. As we walked we talked about "some day" and visualized ourselves as parents.   It was a key ingredient in my attraction to Brad.  I knew he would be a great father....

Yet, somehow I knew that it would be a struggle.  Call it a intuition, a gut feeling....I knew it wouldn't just "happen". 

 

And so as Brad and I continued our relationship through 6 (LONG) years of dating, and 3 years of marriage, we tried to keep our minds and hearts open to whatever the Lord had for us as a couple.  Many late night conversations started with the phrase, "If the Lord allows us to have children...", knowing that He alone was/is the author of  life.

Psalm 139: 13 "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb."

Proverbs 16:9 "In his heart a man plans his course,  but the LORD determines his steps."

I really wanted to trust God fully with our future.  

I wanted Him to determine my steps.

I thought I trusted Him. It was easy to say, after all.  Even an easy prayer to pray...

But my miniature faith was about to be tested more than I had "planned". 

Keepin' It Real Rewinds 00

Sweet Henry's posture captures my spirit well, as I'm stare at my computer screen... if only I could type comfortably in that position. This post has been brewing in my head for weeks now, so I'll warn you in this first paragraph that it has the potential of being a catastrophic mess of Jen's thoughts, but hopefully I can express a little bit more of "ME".

I also have to warn you that I'm a bit apprehensive on how this post (and posts to follow) may change your perception of me, but I feel burdened to share more of the "reality" of our life.

As my Sunday School teacher used to say, "Fasten your seatbelts!" (Right, Marie?)

Lets' see where do I start???? I love this blog for many reasons.

~It gives me a way to share our boys with our family and friends (and all of you "lurkers" too!).

~It gives me an outlet and a memory book to capture some of the stories of our lives. (After all, isn't the best part of taking a picture sharing it?) I can hardly wait to share this journal with the boys someday!

~It's a resource for other multiple moms, especially expectant ones who can use our archives as a way to prepare for their journey, laugh at our mistakes, see different multiple products, contact us for support, etc. This is one of my favorite things about our blog and one of the main motivations behind these posts. You'd be surprised at how many mothers of multiples that I come in contact with who have read our entire blog. Do you realize that's hours worth of reading? Computer screen, after computer screen of text? It amazes me, but at the same time if I would have found a quad blog before our delivery, I'm sure I would have done the same. Finding a "real life" family who has walked your path is golden.

~It's a way to glorify Jesus Christ. He has provided for us, loved us, answered our prayers, performed miracles, and protected our family through this amazing journey. There's well over a thousand of you coming to this site a day, and I feel a strong responsibility to share with you our Savior. Creator. Father. Redeemer. And I hope to do this better in future posts....Would you fellow believers pray for boldness and clarity in my writing? I am both humbled and overwhelmed at this task.

So after reflecting a little bit on "why I blog", (because to be honest, some days I feel like throwing in the blogging towel, and trying to hide us all under a giant-family sized rock), I decided that some of our story needs a more realistic approach. I don't mean that our pictures, videos, journals, adventures, etc. haven't been true to life....they are some of my favorite memories and I am so glad that they are documented in a way that I can save them in my "image bank" and that we have the opportunity to share them with you, our readers. The majority of my posts will continue in the same style and content.

However, I think some of you feel like you "know us", by reading this blog and I desire to show more of our heart with you. This blog simply scratches the surface of who we are as a family. I'm still wrestling with the how, what, and when, of going about all this, so be patient with me. (A little pat on the back for encouragement sake would do too!)

I'm planning on rewinding back to the pregnancy for several future posts. I know, I know, 18+ months later, but you're never ever obligated to read. There's just a bulk of our story that I'm fearful that will be forgotten if I don't write it down....soon!

I'll close for now with a few verses that have been an encouragement to me in recent days.

"Not that I have already attained or am already perfected. I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. I do not count myself to have apprehended, but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead. I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3: 12-14

The Anatomy of a Miracle....

[Yet Another Disclaimer: Due to some medical vocabulary used in this post, I'm giving it a PG-13 rating. I want to give you a heads up this because I know many of you read this with your families.]

I was recently involved in a serious phone conversation with a sweet mommy-to-be, who I met briefly through my perinatologist, Dr. Sumners. She was 13 weeks pregnant with triplets and considering a TAC (Transabdominal Cerclage) Surgery to prevent cervical incompetence and preterm labor. Her decision had to be made by the following day, due to the risks involved and the rapid growth of the uterus entering the 2nd trimester.

Having this discussion brought back many memories of sleepless nights, praying over this decision in our pregnancy. Unlike a transvaginal cerclauge, the TAC involves a incision similar, if not wider to a c-section, and believe it or not the uterus is removed during a portion of the surgery, so that a band can be tied around the base of the cervix! Isn't medical technology fascinating? To think that little Brooks, Clark, Isaac, and Henry were outside of my body at 13 weeks and then placed back inside of me for another almost 20 weeks is nothing less than incredible! It was one of the toughest decisions of our lives, but for us it came down to if we didn't would we look back with regret of "I could have done more" if we lost the boys before viability. God truly gave us a "peace that passes understanding" as we went from that week onward.

Is it because of the TAC that I was able to carry quadruplets to 32 weeks (the average gestation of quadruplets is 29 weeks)? We'll never know. God gets the glory for their lives and I know that He has placed doctors, technology, medicine, etc. in our path as part of His amazing plan, for which I am increasingly grateful. Every prayer was answered according to His sovereignty.

I'd like to close this post with a recording of Dr. Gentry explaining to our church congregation the seriousness of our mono-mono quadruplet pregnancy just days after my surgery. He explains it with such grace and accuracy. I encourage you to listen as it explains in great clarity questions that I often face concerning infertility, mono-monos, the TAC, and the risks of a quadruplet pregnancy. If you only listen to one portion fast forward to his prayer at the end - I think you'll be amazed at how God answered our prayers specifically.

(The following illustrations should visually complement the audio.)

Two Outer Sacs, Two Inner Sacs
(Typical Fraternal Twins; Isaac and Henry)

One Outer Sac, Two Inner Sacs
(Typical Identical Twins)

One Outer Sac, One Inner Sac
(Our Rare Mono-Mono Twins; Brooks and Clark)

(We're the only known set of quadruplets with a surviving set of mono-mono twins!)

Absolutely, the TOUGHEST Month of my Life....

January 5, 2007 a bittersweet day that I will never, no never, forget. It was a day of celebration because we had made it to the vital goal of 28 weeks. A day that we had counted down week by week every Friday.... 10 more weeks until 28, 3 more weeks 'til 28, 2 more days 'til 28!!!.....You see at 28 weeks, a singleton baby has a 90% survival rate. It's a huge milestone especially for quads (average gestation is 29.5 weeks) - and although we knew we wanted to make it much farther it was a reality of "Wow, we just may bring babies home".

Because we conquered this milestone, we chose to move-in to St. Vincent Women's Hospital for the duration of the pregnancy so that Brooks and Clark (our monoamniotic trouble makers) could be monitored and delivered if their lives were determined to suddenly be in grave danger. It gave us such peace of mind to know that the NICU was on alert for our boys' arrival. As Brad calls it, "The day the whale checked into the aquarium". Check it out...I think he's got a point!!!

I was standing in front of my calendar that Brad made me to count down each day. I "X"ed out each day as it ended (usually right at midnight as my monitoring session ended). If you came for a visit you probably signed your name on the date you visited. We look forward to sharing it with the boys someday.

Leaving the comforts of home was so tough. I took for granted so many things...my own bed, my bathtub, sleeping next to my husband, home meals, sunlight, not being connected to monitors 4-5 hours a day, etc. I really can't explain how painful and uncomfortable it is to have 4 babies cramped inside of you and your body fighting so hard to breathe and function. It's the equivalent of the 100 yard dash only it continues over and over. Many people ask me how in the world I survived 32 weeks of a quad pregnancy and my answer is "only by the grace of God".

1/10 of my year was spent at my address at Township Line Rd - (and did you know that my husband spent every single night either on the floor, on a leaky air mattress, or on a pull-out chair - What a CHAMP!) and we are so grateful for everyday that we were able to cross off the calendar.

I'm thinking THIS January is bound to be more enjoyable!

Pumpkin Love

Some of you faithful blog readers that have been with us for the long haul may remember this post that we wrote around this time last year. Kristy, Brad's sister, delivered four carseats to us after speaking with AAA representative, Barb Carrier. (I love her last name - so appropriate!). I was 16 weeks pregnant at the time, and this was our 1st "4" gift. At the time, we didn't know if bringing home 4 babies would be in God's plan, due to the high risk of carrying quadruplets and the mono-mono twin situation. I remember placing all those car seats in a row for this picture. Brad and I just looked at each other laughing. It was a "WOW" moment. Looking at those four empty car seats gave us a taste of the reality of the four little lives living inside of me.

At the time, our pumpkins looked like this:

Baby A (top left) was Henry - He was our "Hercules" on the bottom holding everyone up. Baby B (top right) was Isaac - He was (and still is) our "Chunk" located in the penthouse and closest to the food. Baby C and D (bottom) were Brooks and Clark - We couldn't keep track of which was which because they could constantly switch places, but Clark was my most active by far. The boy beat his mama and Brooks up daily. I think it made Brooks a tough guy from all the get-go.

Now look at our pumpkins!

Henry

Brooks

Clark

Isaac

Brooks putting his hand over his face in protest of another picture....

We sure do love our little pumpkins! 9 months old and growing so quickly....